Loved and Lost
by birdie7272
Summary: "How do you deal with it? I can't...I've lost every one of them. I don't want it anymore."/ "What was their name?" The Doctor asked with a sad smile, knowing all too well of what the Captain spoke of./ Jack smiled back. "Ianto. Ianto Jones."/ "Ianto Jones. What a brilliant name."/ Short oneshot. Janto. Doctor/Rose.


It was bound to happen at some point. Really Jack had stopped looking for him, he had no reason to. He had gotten his answers and he knew how the Doctor felt about him so he didn't bother to look. This time it was really just coincidence.

Captain Jack Harkness out traveling the stars. That was how it was meant to be. How it needed to be. So he could forget, move on, and live. Even if he didn't want to sometimes. Not that he had a choice in the matter.

But naturally he ran into the Doctor, where trouble went so did he. Of course they were both destined to meet. And naturally they would get into that trouble. Obviously that trouble would lead to them both being arrested, it was bound to happen. What they didn't expect was to get the same cell.

Really it was just a big misunderstanding. The planet they were on, Proolondor, seemed to be having trouble with a Ludslum, a giant alien praying mantis type bug thing that seemed to be attacking the townspeople. No one told the two of them that it was actually a big ceremony and no one was actually getting hurt. So naturally when they both started to attack the Ludslum, the people got a bit upset.

The planet was fairly established, even ahead of its own time, so the prison wasn't all that bad. They shoved the two of them in a cell waiting with food and drink and beds while they awaited proper documentation to be filled out. The sonic and all other devices were proved pointless.

The Doctor was the first to realize who the other was, expected since his face had changed since the last time Jack had seen it. Jack quickly realized who the other man was and they hugged instantly before falling back into their usual pattern of flirtation and awkward catch up.

Then of course, as it always does, time moved forward and the cheeriness fell away and the two old men were left to recall their most recent memories as they ate their dinner. A dinner that neither realized was laced with a bit of something extra. It was a simple, undetectable, but by no means ineffective truth telling serum. A subtle promoter for prisoners to spill their guts to the hidden cameras. The guards had never expected to hear the conversation they did though.

"Does it ever get better?" Jack couldn't help asking after half his plate was gone. "I've done some bad stuff in my time. I reckon I'm older than you now, old man. I've had so many lives. I've lost so many people." Flashes of memories repressed popped into his mind, the most recent stinging the worst: his grandson, Ianto, Tosh, Owen. "Met so many great ones. Too many true loves than one man should ever have."

"Captain Jack Harkness. The immortal man." The Doctor chuckled without humor as he listed to Jack continue.

"How do you deal with it? I can't...I've lost every one of them. I don't want it anymore."

"What was their name?" The Doctor asked with a sad smile, knowing all too well of what the Captain spoke of.

Jack smiled back. "Ianto. Ianto Jones."

"Ianto Jones. What a brilliant name."

"It is, isn't it? We had a year. Just one tiny year. It was a good year." He laughed that suggestive laugh that had the Doctor shaking his head. "He told me he loved me. As he was dying, in my arms. I couldn't say it back then. Why couldn't I? I just...I got a chance though. Took longer than it should have. And that bastard….god he saved the day again. That wonderful selfish bastard. I told him. And Doc, I gotta tell ya, sometimes, every time, it does need saying."

The Doctor's gaze wouldn't move from the floor as an all too familiar pain started to settle in his chest. It wasn't that long ago that he had a similar chance and he didn't take it. _Does it really need saying?_ Apparently Jack thought so. And if he was being honest…but he couldn't be honest. Rule #1. It applied all around. Even to himself.

Jack blinked back a few extra tears and shook his head turning back to the conversation he started. "How do you deal with it all? With the ones you've lost? They were all grand I know, I'm sure, but the ones that….well that time can't seem to fix."

The Doctor swept back his hair and plastered on a coy smile as he teased out an answer. "I'm a Time Lord Jack. I cheat."

"How?"

A few paces later and the Doctor decided to share his secret. He didn't tell it to most but Jack wasn't exactly most. Jack didn't even realize how important he was yet. Besides, it wasn't as though he could use the information with his Vortex Manipulator broken. "I go back further. To a time before they met me. Where there's no chance of creating a paradox. Just to ask them for the time or the day or some change or if my hair looks alright. Just to remember their face or their hair or their laugh. Just one more time. I can count the number of times I've done it on one hand."

Jack watched the Doctor reminisce sad memoires as he fell back into the bed across from him and he couldn't help but ask. "Who was the latest?" The Doctor didn't look up from the floor and Jack had a moment of panic thinking about Martha or Donna, someone the Doctor had just told him about. But then he said they were both fine. Before that it was…"Oh I should have known. How was she?"

The Doctor gave his first genuine smile as he remembered his former self breaking the rules and appearing on New Year's Day. "Beautiful, brilliant, blonde. New Year's right before she met me. Arguing with her mum. She was wonderful. "

Jack chuckled as he remembered his Rosie, picturing her as the Doctor described, face red from the cold with snow falling in her hair. He wished he could have seen. According to the Doc he was never going to see Rose again either. "How do you resist going back again?"

"It's cheating for a reason. They recognize you and then you're really in trouble. Mess with their past and...Besides, you'll run out of days. Go back too far."

Silence stretched between the two as they both lost themselves to their memories, only interrupted when Jack broke it with a laugh. "You know Doc, one of the things of living the 20th century is that I got to see _Back to the Future_ in theaters. Right when it came out. All three of them. You shoulda seen the look on their faces. They were so amazed. Hover-boards. Pshh. If only I could tell them about the really good stuff."

"And that's how." The Doctor suddenly answered the question that had been asked so many times of him in this small talk. "That wonder, that look, that awe, that's how."

Another bit of silence followed again broken by Jack. "There will never be another like them."

"No. One of a kind."

"They all are."

The Doctor picked up his glass and raised it to his cellmate. "To Ianto Jones."

Jack returned the gesture and held out his own. "To Rose Tyler."

A click of the glass, a sip from the Doctor, a gulp from Jack, the guards on their way and the conversation ended. They separated to meet again at another time, whenever that time may be, with hopefully more loves to be shared and more stories to be told.


End file.
